Since the last time I updated this blog I have:

- Graduated college
- Temporarily (or maybe not so temporarily?) moved to AZ to stay with my sister and her family
- Lost 20 pounds
- Successfully made it to Alma in the B.o.M. (and plan to actually finish the whole book before 2011 for possibly the 2nd or 3rd time in my life)


I'm so excited for Wednesday! That will be the first day of the last 21 days of the diet I have been doing with my sister. The only downside is that means I have to wait 21 more days until I can have chocolate and other sugary goodness again! But on the upside, on Wednesday, I will be able to eat cheese, nuts, butter, bacon, eggs, peanut butter and more than 500 calories a day! And the clouds parted and angels started singing HALLELUJAH! (Did I mention I was excited?)

However, in the midst of all this seeming joy, I still seem to be floundering. Sometimes I really don't know what I am doing here. I don't know what to do with my life or where to live. I feel like there's nothing for me in VA anymore and I need to be out on my own. But now I'm here (not on my own, I might add) and I feel like I don't know what I'm doing here. I need to get a job, but this place is the middle of nowhere and I have no idea where I am going to find a job.
And the problem is I have no idea what I want to do with my life, and it's obvious that I'm going to be on my own for a while so I have to start thinking about a long-time career and I really don't want to. I want to do something meaningful, not important or prestigious, just something that I enjoy doing and something I can help others by doing. But I have no idea what that is yet. And I hate waiting and not knowing what direction to go in or what to do.

I'm going back to VA in about 3 weeks, and I'm completely excited for that for a lot of reasons. Mainly because I'll be away from my sister and her family. I love them, don't get me wrong, but since I haven't been working and I have no friends here to do things with I have been feeling very sequestered. But the one reason I'm kind of dreading it is because it means that I have to make decisions about my "future" (what future? I ask). Decisions like whether or not I'm going to move back there and whether or not I'm going to drive the car back out to AZ after Thanksgiving. I hate making decisions...because I'm always afraid of making the wrong one. So instead of just making a decision, having it be wrong, and then learning from it, I stay paralyzed and refuse to make any decision at all and then wonder why my life's not going anywhere. Hmm...go figure. I used to be smart, honest. Or at least I thought I was.