I am Now...

Currently I am:

1. Reading Austen's Pride and Prejudice. I was going to start with Sense and Sensibility and read them chronologically, but I realized I don't have S & S. And that led me to realize that I only have 2 of her 6 novels. I then proceeded to buy the other 4 novels from Walmart.com because they were cheaper than Amazon and I was too lazy to actually go out to Walmart and buy them myself. Where was I going with this? Oh yeah, so since I didn't have S & S I decided just to start with the next one I did have, which happened to be Pride and Prejudice. I like it so far, but it's hard not to think about all the different movie versions I've seen and compare them to the book. I need to not do that because they can't compare, they are very different forms of media and it would be unjust to compare one to the other. It'd be like comparing apples to oranges, so yeah, I'm just going to read it with an open mind.

2. Wondering why I didn't come up with some great idea/product to sell on infomercials, while at the same time wondering why in the world I bought THREE products just this week from infomercials. That is so out of character for me, let me tell ya. It's a good thing I finally have a job or I would be broke from this week's purchases, that's for sure. But I must say I am super excited to try them. Wait, let me back up.

So I saw this infomercial for an acne product earlier this month that claimed to work better than proactive. I've been using proactive for several years and yes it has helped some, but I wasn't in love with it. I've had acne forever it feels like, and this stuff wasn't getting rid of it, and basically I'm just tired of acne, so I decided, What the Heck, I'll try this other product. So I did. Supposedly using this product will give you clear skin in 4 weeks, I'm only on the first week. On Day 5 to be exact, and while it may seem too early to say, I think I am in LOVE! I wish I had discovered this product sooner, but I'm soooo glad I found it now. Hopefully it continues to work as well as it has been so far.

That was my first infomercial purchase. Then I saw one for makeup. I've been using the Bare Minerals and I like it, but again, I'm not totally happy with it, I don't love it. Granted, that may be because I'm not putting it on right or not using the right colors, which is why I need to go to one of their actual stores and have them do a makeover on me to convince me why I shouldn't switch makeup brands. That being said, I don't think I'm completely incompetent when it comes to makeup application, so it may just be that this brand is not the best for me, I'm not ruling anything out.

So I figure that until I can get to an actual BE store and have them do a makeover on me, I'll give this other brand a try and then I'll have something to compare it to and hopefully be able to figure out which one I like better. The downside is that it won't be here for at least a week, maybe two.

And that was my second infomercial purchase. My next infomercial produce purchase happened by accident, sort of. In fact, I really cannot remember now how I got to be looking at it. I didn't search for it or anything, I just found it on a website somewhere. I think maybe I found it when I was reading reviews about exercise programs. Anyway, so I bought an exercise/weight loss program, which will probably end up kicking my butt, however I am NOT going to give up because I paid good money for this and I am GOING to do it and it is GOING to work, GOSH DANG IT!

3. This has turned into a super long rant which needs to end now. There were more things I was going to add to my currently, I am list, but this will be the last one for now. Currently, I am wondering if my adviser got my email telling him which classes I am signing up for next week. He needs to make some changes or fix something so that I can sign up for them. I just hope he is going to do whatever he has to do for me to get those classes before next week because if March 3rd comes around and I can't sign up for the classes I need because he was too busy to fix it then I am going to be EXTREMELY upset. No joke.

That's all for now, possibly more tomorrow.

scarf girl

It's official. I have become scarf girl. I am now someone that other people give scarves to because they don't know what else to get. Don't get me wrong, I like scarves, in fact, I've started collecting them, but I'm worried about what this implies about me as a person. I'm annoyed at myself that I have allowed myself to be so distant for so long that my friends (who, in theory, I'm supposed to be close to and who are supposed to be the people who know me the best) get me scarves because they don't know what else to give me. It's like when you draw a co-worker's name for Secret Santa and you end up getting them hand lotion or stationary because you don't know them well enough to know what they want or what they would like. And I realize that this sounds like a diatribe against friends, and I'm sorry because it's really NOT that at all. Really I'm just venting my anger and frustration at myself.

Really I'm just disappointed in myself because it is so obviously NO one's fault but my own that people don't know me well enough to know what I like.

I don't know how I got to be so impersonal and distant and removed, but I HATE it. HATE. IT. I keep holding my breath, hoping things will get better. Hoping I'll change or something. Every year I think, "This is MY year, this will be the year I change and have the life I want, be the person I want to be. This will be the year I'll break the cycle" but every year I disappoint myself - again.

Sometimes I really do wish I had a backbone, that I would stop being so wishy-washy and just do it. I'm just so tired of doing and being this day in and day out. Whenever I get like this I have to keep reminding myself about all the times I could/should have died but didn't (some of those times self-inflicted and others not). Apparently, I'm still here for some reason, or at least I like to think so. I just hate not knowing what that reason is.

It's especially disheartening right now because there's not even one thing that I feel good about in my life right now. I don't even like my job, which I should totally enjoy, but I don't. I don't know, it's just sad when the only thing you feel like you have to look forward to is a T.V. show in the middle of the week. Blah, get out of this funk. No wonder you don't have any friends.