Right now I am trying not to be mad, trying not to ask why, but failing miserably. Also wondering why I bother because there is no point in asking why. There are never any reasons that make sense, at least not at the moment. The reasons never become clear until further down the road, sometimes not until years later. And I just can't see past the now yet. I'm not allowed to let this turn me into a bitter, angry, ridiculous person.