I don't know what is going on these past few days or why I feel so out of sorts and down. This semester started off so well, but it has slowly deteriorated and now that it's almost over I just can't seem to care anymore. I don't care that I don't know what I will write my research paper about, nor do I care that I only have 5 (soon to be 4) weeks left to write it and really have no idea of what my focus should be. Apparently not even the fact that this paper would be the only thing keeping me from graduating this semester is enough of a motivation to actually sit down and do it because I keep trying to procrastinate it away.

Blah, things were going so well before I left for school. And then the car incident happened (I still miss you MAZDA!!) and then driving with grandma and mom, instead of just with mom as planned, happened, and then school happened! Now life feels the way I mistakenly thought it never would again, the way it was for far too long. I know I just need to swallow my pride and suck it up and call her because the last time life was good was when I had talked to her and worked through these things. Part of me is just bitter that these same things are coming up again because I had hoped I had resolved them, but apparently not.

Ugh, just call her, you idiot, stop wasting time and set up an appointment before it's too late.

Do you ever feel like you don't belong? I've spent most of my life feeling that way and I'm not sure why or how to not feel that way anymore. Chalk it up to moving around growing up, or a dysfunctional home life. Whatever the cause, I need to find a cure because lately I feel nothing but lost. Supposedly life is grand - great - or at the very least fun, but I can't say I've ever really felt that way about it and at this point in my life, I really don't see how I'm ever going to - especially at the rate mine is going. I know deep down that there is a point to all this, but I'm having a hard time finding it, and if there were ever a time to find my purpose in life, it would be now because I'm running out of reasons why I'm here.